As much as we love them, we all are confused at least once in our lives, about our feelings towards our parents. We doubted their intentions, their behaviour and even their intelligence!
One such case is of Rohan, who ‘was’ very close to his parents. Rohan is the only child to his parents, brought up in a disciplined manner. Rohan would talk to them non-stop about everything in his life from school to friends to arguments with friends.
Rohan finished his school and took admission in one of the top universities of the country. Out from the restrictive atmosphere of school Rohan was exploring his identity in an unknown world and the new way of life.
He had been a good scholar but the constant nagging of his parents (in the veil of trying to ‘protect’ him from ‘bad’ influences) became his worst nightmare.
He stopped talking to them. The only conversations that would happen were low grunts and nods.
The parents as worrisome as they can be were at their wits end too for their only son was avoiding them and imagined the worst.
On many failed attempts to talk to him, they decided to consult our expert in an attempt to dig out the problem which he might not be able to tell them directly.
Rohan was indignant to say the least at the mention of visiting a counselor. Upon meeting him, he opened up and divulged that he’s appalled at how they still treat him like a small child.
They are extra extra protective of him and do not let him explore a thing. They control his social and academic life to the hilt and it’s expected of him to make them aware of every little thing. And if he does not tell them, they become long-faced or badger him to no end.
Our expert also spoke to the parents where they said in unison that they do not want their only teenager son to get in the wrong company and commit mistakes which might affect his life in a wrong way.
Are parents right in restricting Rohan?
Is Rohan justified in cutting off his parents from ‘his’ life?
Our expert then had a group discussion with parents and Rohan and both parties were encouraged to tell their side of the story in the most genuine way they can. Once both sides knew what was forcing them to behave this way, they became more understanding.
Here it was all about open communication and for each side to understand others’ flow of thoughts, once that had happened things started falling in place.
Expert suggested parents to create a friendlier atmosphere at home. It needs to be built on mutual understanding and respect and not command. Rohan should be treated like an adult. He should be consulted, advised and not ordered. He is in this age where he has the enthusiasm to conquer the world and if parents won’t be supportive, he will just shun himself from them. There were suggested to ask Rohan’s help in organizing events at home, discuss about serious cases with him and ask him for his views. Even though their fear is genuine, only when Rohan feels from within that these habits are bad, he will restrict himself. Any other kind of rule/restriction will not help.
After certain days of friendlier atmosphere at home, it turns out that the relationship between Rohan and his parents became less strained. They began to share more. Rohan began to treat his parents as friends, mentors. He was more comfortable discussing his ideas, aspirations with them and asking them for views. Parents started thinking of Rohan as a grown up man ready to take on responsibility and in turn became less protective of him
Freedom to a teenager is very important and parents need to learn that. Only when kids will believe that their parents are like their friends they will open up.
Note: This is based on real life cases handled by Ramya Poojari. We have changed the names to maintain anonymity.