Due to the difference in their schedules, the couple don’t get to spend much time together.
Rahul on the other hand, comes back home at 2:30 am, doesn’t wake up Nidhi, kisses her good night and then goes to have his dinner. Over the weekends, he tries to spend some time with her in the kitchen while she is preparing meal for their relatives. Rahul has been recently promoted as a team lead which means a lot of responsibilities. Less support from his wife and the new responsibility at office stresses out Rahul too.
Rahul really loves Nidhi and is trying hard to make her feel better. However he thinks she never appreciates his efforts. She is unable to see anything beyond her own comfort.
Rahul also doesn’t want to hurt his parents at this age. He thinks practically and knows that they won’t be around for more than 5-6 years. Meeting and talking to their relatives makes them happy and he doesn’t want to take away that hours of happiness from them.
They decided to approach an expert before everything falls apart. The expert initially met them separately and asked them if they loved each other. Their response was positive. She then listened to both sides of the story and then met both of them together.
Our expert tried to show Nidhi, Rahul’s attempt to keep her happy. And Nidhi was asked to think about the good things that Rahul does. She asked her if she ever felt that Rahul was trying to dominate to which Nidhi said no. Our expert went up a level showing her how her in-laws cared for her in their own ways say, by preparing a meal for her in the evenings after she returns tired from work. It is not like there is no-one to talk to, she can start talking to her in-laws and along with creating a stronger bond it would relieve Nidhi of her loneliness too. They are not very expressive but their acts say that they care for her.
Rahul on the other hand was asked to be more vocal about his love. Saying magical words now and then will make his wife feel better. She had expectations and that are not being met completely. Whatever little time they get together, he needs to make an effort to do things she likes. He was asked to take her out for 2-3 hours over the weekend.
Our expert says the couple had not drifted from each other, it is just that they were not expressive with each other. Nidhi had never put an effort to understand the other side of the story and Rahul never realised how important it was to express what he felt.
Once they started talking to each other in front of the expert, their perspectives changed and they started feeling connected again.
Communication is the key of any relationship. Take time to tell the person you love that ‘you love him/her’. If there is something bothering you, take it up with theconcerned person and most of the times issues are solved over a decent discussion. Talking helps a lot!
Your perception plays an important role in defining who you are and the situation around you. If you see negativity in everything, it will attract more negative thoughts and vice versa. That was what was happening to Nidhi.
This is exactly how humans work. We need to make a conscious effort to think positive.
After these conversations with the expert and regular practice of talking and expressing to each other, Nidhi and Rahul now are together standing strong, against all the odds and the love between them nurtures them every day.
Note: This story based on real life cases handled by Clinical Psychologist Ramya Poojari. We have changed the names to maintain annonymity.