Relationships: How Communication Can Help Dissolve A Fight

Nikhil and Shivangi have been together for 14 years now. Nikhil is a senior consultant and Shivangi is an interior designer. They also have a lovely daughter Ishita. They were dating for 4 years before they decided to get married. Their friends always considered them as a perfect couple, two people madly in love.

After 14 years of relationship, they cannot stand each other!

Shivangi says, ‘we cannot talk without fighting and I have no clue what we fight about’. As soon as Nikhil says something, I feel that he is making fun of me and I give him back. Nikhil says – ‘Shivangi is always irritated. I don’t understand the cause for this irritation and unnecessary rudeness.’

What went wrong to this once ‘happily in love’ couple?

They loved each other and decided to make an attempt to save their marriage by taking a vacation together. Before they could reach the destination, they fought and came back. They tried talking about it but it made the matter worse. They just kept blaming each other.

They tried to make another attempt by taking a vacation to their favorite honeymoon destination. This time again, they quarreled and came back from the airport.

What was going wrong? 

Shivangi and Nikhil decided to meet the expert and seek advice. Counselor initially met them separately and tried to understand their point of view. He made them comfortable, helped them to open up and share their bundled emotions. During the sessions, Shivangi realized she was more upset with her in-laws and was taking it out on Nikhil. Nikhil on the other hand realized that he was not able to give enough time to his beautiful wife.

With self inspection and important realizations towards their relationship, counselor took a session with both of them together. He felicitated their communication with each other. They were also given a task wherein they cannot fight the entire day. They were asked to write down their negative thoughts towards the partner and were allocated 1 hour of time for fighting in counselor’s presence.

What happened then? Did the fighting schedule help?

Shivangi and Nikhil started discussing about their feelings. They realized after few sessions that they didn’t have much left to fight about. They became better at communicating their thoughts with other, listening to partner’s thoughts and thinking objectively.

Six months later, they planned another vacation. This time, they actually reached the destination and enjoyed their time together. Just to be sure, they took another trip and it was also an absolute bliss.

Sometimes it is just the communication that is lacking and bundles up to create a havoc in our life. A professional can help to peel those negative thoughts and bring back a confident, loving self.

This story is based on one of the real life cases handled by counselor. We have changed the names to maintain annonymity.