It all began in a small sleepy town of Assam. We were a happy family of six. I was ten. Life revolved around school and playfulness. I did not know much about the world; satellite television and mobile networks were still to invade us. It was a November afternoon. We were preparing for our final examination, sitting in our backyard. The Sun was warm and yellow. It was just another day in a small town of India where life was slow. I too would not have marked it, had our Daddy not met with an accident while driving to a nearby town. It was fatal. The yellow Sun crumpled in our tiny hands.
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Graphic Courtesy: Ankita Gautam |
The thing with children is that they don’t know what to do, when something uncanny happens. They have no choice but believe adults. I readily believed what I was told repeatedly that it’s going to be okay. And when you are told, that it is okay, you somehow don’t express your grief. You tend to be strong and this was my first step towards escapism. I imbibed the first wrong lesson, that breaking down or grieving is wrong. And when I entered my tumultuous teens, I thought being a rebel was cool. I did so to avoid the growing gap in my heart. The first gulp of anger and grief I felt within the crevices of my heart and drowned it with loud music. And no matter how far we romanticize school life later, it’s difficult to grow up as a tall, thin teenager, in an age where everyone wanted you to be like other girls. I remember strong headaches during those days, that went and came back in its own will. Doctors could not help much.
College came. I did well through my outlook, yet within I felt lonely, sad and unworthy. I did not know, that I was suffering from depression. Till then I had become an expert in escapism. However, it taught a lot. In process you over do a lot. You tend to get addicted to something. Some people use drugs, sex, alcohol, work etc. to escape something that needs their attention. I used music and books. I would wake up with a book and my ear phones and then sleep to it. That was my addiction. When you cannot live without something, you know that you are addicted. And we are only an addict when we refuse to see the turmoil that is within. It’s said, that once you take care of what things within, your external cravings are taken care of by itself.
When college got over, I had a break up and Lo and Behold, I hit my lowest. One fine morning, I woke up not wanting to open my eyes and face the day. I knew something was wrong. I needed help! That was the first time I sought to help. I visited a psychologist.
Throughout the session, my psychologist pinpointed that more than heartbreak I was dealing with feelings of abandonment. We traced these feelings back to my childhood, back to the death of my father. My psychologist said, “You never mourned the death of your father and felt abandoned due to his sudden death. And now that this guy suddenly left you, it triggered your old feelings.
The best thing I ever did was asking for help. I learnt that we don’t learn everything on our own, we sometimes need help, one who can show us the way. Now that I look back, I think depression was the best thing that happened to me. Since I was broken, I could rebuild myself. I finally could reconnect with myself without suppressing my inner emotions. It wasn’t easy but worth each effort. It was difficult to wake up in the morning and feel empty and hopeless with life. It was very difficult to live with low self worth and low self esteem, but you got to take that one step each day. Breathe in, with all your might and begin your day. It’s difficult to move into a day that might not interest you, but you still got to take one hour each day. I took one breathe at one time.
When you are hitting depression, just know, it’s okay to live with it, just like any other disease. Because you can move with it too, when you live with it every minute is not hell raised, you do have your moments of joy and happiness, before the glumness sinks in. Know, it is okay. You are only crossing a bridge. We all need that bridge at times.
The first thing one needs to do, when going through any low is be kind to oneself and take it slow. Though it feels at times that the sky has fallen over us, but I learnt to be gentle to myself. Each one of us is unique and one has to take whatever time it requires to heal. You need not compare yourself with others and speed up. Learn self care. Do what makes you feel good.
I personally went for physical exercise, got into a good diet. And most important kept paying regular visits to my psychologist and charted my progress. Not to forget, good music, good books and good companions were add-ons. They are sure shot road to discovery.
Pursuing your hobby helps too. I took up sketching and for long hours. Got into a routine, Slept early and woke up to a morning walk. While I was getting better I kept away from triggers that could worsen my condition such as old places, people, sad movies, songs etc. I made a list of those triggers and did not visit them until I felt safe again. That included some close people too. I also joined a support group which did wonders.
And one day, I grew beyond that darkness. The best part is one becomes wiser and better not bitter a person. That’s what happens when we take time to heal and clean our wounds. When you tape it, you become bitter, when you clean it, you become better. That’s the trick to a healthier life. It does takes time and perseverance but I assure you, it’s worth all the time and effort.
I lived through it and this is my story. I have never been ashamed of it. And why should I be? It’s like any other disease that can hit anyone. Are you ashamed of the cold you caught last season? I am sure No. So, if you have lived or are living with it, it is okay. You can still live with immense dignity and pride, for you are the person fighting in the ring. You might get knocked down many a times, but that’s what fighters are made of. They become legends in history.
You are the legend in your life. Never stop knocking back.
This is my story, winning from depression. I have lived with it and conquered it as well. I have lived many a dark nights but I knocked it out with the hope of the arriving dawn. Dawn did come. Now, I am a better human being, doing well in every sphere of life. I thrived through it. I say with a lot of dignity that depression is my story, and I have won hands down. You can too.
If you are a survivor, do share your story. For I know, every-time I have risen to tell my story, I saved one life from sinking low. Our society tells us to keep it behind the curtains.
I tell my story with the hope and dignity so that what light I could see may become your vision too.
스포츠 토토 베트맨
Fang Jifan은 만족스럽게 고개를 끄덕이고 몰래 안도의 한숨을 쉬었습니다!
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슬롯 머신
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아바타 슬롯
이때 누군가 갑자기 “아, 철로 부설 완료! “라고 깜짝 놀랐습니다.
블랙 맘바
아마 어머니와 아내가 함께 물에 빠진 문제와 같을 것입니다.
와일드 웨스트 골드
이렇게 말하면 황실 사절의 어조가 그렇게 빡빡 할 줄은 몰랐습니다.
피망 뉴 베가스
그런데 갑자기 이상한 목소리가 들려왔다. “아…”
황제 슬롯
Xu Jing은 엄숙하게 모든 사람에게 한 마디로 말했습니다.
와일드 바운티 쇼다운
Fang Jifan은 확신 할 수밖에 없었습니다. 그렇게 사려 깊지 않습니다!
하이브 슬롯
그는 눈에 안경을 벗고 싶었습니다.
슬롯 머신 무료
Zhu Zaimo는 “요컨대, 진정합시다. “라고 말했습니다.
리액툰즈
눈을 들어 폐하를 바라보니, 폐하… 역시 묘한 표정을 짓고 있었다.
무료 슬롯
“시에 할아버지, 아직 추도문을 작성하셨습니까?” 션웬은 뭔가를 기억하고는 열심히 시에첸을 바라보았다.
온라인 슬롯
그는 차창 밖을 내다보며 명령했습니다. “가서 Xiao Jing에게 현을 떠나라고 전하십시오.”
프라그마틱 슬롯
그의 전하만이 여전히 멍해 보였다.
리액툰즈
그리고 낡은 내각과 6개 부처로는 이 시대의 속도를 따라갈 수 없습니다.
에그슬롯
누군가 신고하기 위해 처음 난징시에 들어온 것으로 밝혀졌습니다.
5 래빗스 메가웨이즈
반면 Fang Jifan은 아무 일도 없었던 것처럼 표면적으로는 무관심했습니다.
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실제로 현재 Shen Wen과 Zhang은 Shen Ao를 아직 인식하지 못했습니다.
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아침 체조를 위해 다른 아이들을 데려 갔고, 아침 체조 후에는 모두 김이났습니다.
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그는 강세와 약세와 같은 용어에 대해 입을 열었습니다.
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장가 형제는 얼굴을 붉히며 손해를 보았고 이번에는 큰 손해를 입었습니다.
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사실, 따라 잡는 것이 단순히 불가능하다는 것을 왜 그는 몰랐습니까?
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毎回読むたびに新しいことを学びます。これからも応援しています。
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“예, 하인은 명령에 따릅니다.” Xiao Jing은 재빨리 미소를 지었습니다.
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이 문제에 관련된 모든 씨족 사람들은 마늘처럼 머리를 숙이고 울부짖으며 자비를 구했습니다.
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Fang Jifan은 Zhu Houzhao의 기질이 그렇지 않습니까?
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그는 먼저 Hongzhi 황제에게 가서 경의를 표했습니다. “폐하를 보았습니다.”
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이 세상 사람들이 영웅을 결과로 판단한다는 것이 사실이 아닙니까?
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더 많은 사람들이 룬 스카프와 유교 셔츠를 입은 이 재능 있는 ‘군주’를 무감각하게 바라보았습니다.
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“그냥 쇼핑몰이야?”라는 말이 정말 믿겨지지 않았다.
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즉시 배는 급격하게 방향을 틀었고 아름다운 원형 교차로를 만들었습니다.
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このブログを読むのが日課になりました。いつも楽しみにしています。
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지금은 확장 및 수리가 불가능하다는 것뿐입니다.
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Hongzhi 황제와 Xu Jing은 서로를 바라보며 서로 마주 보았습니다.
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Zhu Houzhao는 “당신의 목사는 건강합니다. “라고 말했습니다.
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그 후 그는 처음에는 침묵하다가 Liu Jianren과 다른 사람들을 해고했습니다.
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読みやすく、とても有益な記事でした。これからも読み続けます。
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Zhongyong이라는 말을 듣고 Hongzhi 황제는 즉시 마음에 위로를 받았습니다.
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素晴らしい情報源です。これからもフォローします。
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동시에 편지 Shenglong은 수도로 달려갔습니다.
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분노한 많은 팬들은 항의의 표시로 “Qiu Jing”을 저주하기도 했습니다.
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그러나 Wang Shouren은 그에게 한 가지만 가르쳤습니다. 더 많이 걷고, 더 많이 듣고, 더 많이 보세요.
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非常に有意義な内容でした。また読みたいと思います。
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Fang Jifan은 Ouyang Zhi의 세 제자를 보면서 마음이 따뜻해졌습니다.
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Paro Di, I love you more every time I read you! It is so genuine and so familiar. A big thank you for making me feel better yet again. I hope one day I can share my story too and my acknowledgement will have your name up right there. Thank you for putting this up so beautifully. I am learning from you and I wish I keep learning from you and make you feel proud of me someday. I believe our souls are connected. Please take my love. Thanks for being there.
Thank you so much Heena!
Much love!
Paro, its not u I see in ur writing. It's as if ur soul speaks to me wen I read u. U r one of those author types who do not treat writing as business; they write because they haf a story to tell a feeling to share. I always look for the soul of the writer when I read and expect pouring my soul out to my readers. Brilliantly expressed!! Looking forward to reading ur novel!!
Thank you so much Sunita Di, for reading. And thank you for being such a support. Love.
I agree with you Sunita. Somehow we connect so well to her, it seems soo genuine
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