I met Raghu (name changed) at the de-addiction centre, old man neatly dressed; with his shoes on and hair combed. For the next two weeks everytime I visited the centre, Raghu greeted me with a pleasant smile and was always hospitable during lunch and elsewhere. However at times I could see him lose track of what he has been talking and felt very tired.
After few days I realised that Raghu just looked wrinkled and old for his age of 63. Unlike a large number of people who have a troubled childhood or a problematic family contributing to their addiction, he was part a big and supportive family which continued to be similar after his marriage. In-fact it was his son, a reputed lawyer in city, who supported him at all steps whether it be a financial crisis or getting him admitted to a rehabilitation centre at his free will.
After few days I realised that Raghu just looked wrinkled and old for his age of 63. Unlike a large number of people who have a troubled childhood or a problematic family contributing to their addiction, he was part a big and supportive family which continued to be similar after his marriage. In-fact it was his son, a reputed lawyer in city, who supported him at all steps whether it be a financial crisis or getting him admitted to a rehabilitation centre at his free will.
Raghu had himself volunteered to walk into the rehab, so that he could overcome his alcohol addiction of past 43 years which started in his college days, strongly under the influence of his friends be a part their group. He tried quitting many times but relapsing always.
Strike the cord when it is hot!
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| Source: http://doremarkable.com/want-change/ |
It was clear that Raghu wanted to quit, but at the same time his ability and skills to tackle his addiction were low. I started testing his resilience by challenging his decision. I started to make him feel that his decision to “quit” was not completely from his heart. This was to make his realize that he wanted to quit to retain his health and relationships, but his cravings and desires to use alcohol was still present. This was when he put all his efforts to refute and prove me wrong. It is this acceptance that became an insight for him that “I have a problem and I am week”, which helped him to be more open and wanting to put in efforts to overcome.
Many a time people tend to show a readiness to change and come out of their stuck state in life so as to be relieved from the distress. Some of us may have it in our mind, a sort of contemplation like – “something is not right with me?”, “is there a need for me to give up my drink?”, “I think my family is about to tear apart!” While for others the readiness to change might be overt through their actions like – “I will not touch alcohol till the religious ceremonies are over”, No more transactions with xyz as the payments will be less in cash and more in booze”. All that we need is a gentle push or a right move.
Raghu decided to make small plans to overcome his addiction. Raghu at the age of 63, was assigned homework after every session – from a letter to write, an essay about some topic or sometimes even a picture to draw. He showed the willingness and put in efforts to understand his life through these small reflections. While in course of his therapy he improved in health along with his mind and soul. As time passed by, he could even play two hours of volleyball!
He then moved to live with his family. The changes in him were from his contemplation in mind, to making a plan and carrying out his decision. Active plans were made by him which were made to be debated and tested by his conscience and he stood firm -“I will not attend a family function as there is alcohol served there, but I’ll meet all my relatives frequently”.
I met Raghu later and saw a new side of him, with his family being happy and accepting. Raghu had been leading a meaningful life with his family and had been continuing to be sober.
We all face a lot of situations and problems. We all end up making our life “mess” mostly because of the way we respond to it. The readiness and motivation to move forward is always there in our thoughts and actions. Raghu rightly showed us that age is no bar for change.
We all face a lot of situations and problems. We all end up making our life “mess” mostly because of the way we respond to it. The readiness and motivation to move forward is always there in our thoughts and actions. Raghu rightly showed us that age is no bar for change.
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| Source: http://solconpartners.com |
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About the Author
A. Sabu John is your special friend from Your D.O.S.T. He is currently pursuing his MPhil in Psychology from Christ University. With teaching and facilitation as his passion, he has experience working with different population as a psychotherapist and also facilitating modules on Sexuality and Addiction.