As I was sitting with my colleagues making the schedule for the day I saw someone peeping in through the door. I ignored it for a couple of times before I got curious to know who it was. As i walked up to the door I saw a girl. Everything about her appearance was perfect other than the expression on her face. She was terrified as if she was caught red handed for a crime. She kept looking at me with fear and finally before she ran away, said, “I need help!” I knew something was wrong. I could sense it.
It had been two days since that episode happened and I hadn’t seen her. It was on the third day after my lunch that I saw her standing outside my room. Before I could say anything she walked in and sat in front of me, this time a little confident. Neither of us mentioned about the earlier incident and started talking. The first thing she said to me was, “my name is Aradhna. There are a lot of thing happening in my life that I cannot understand”. As we started going in more detail Aradhna told me about her fear of not being accepted in the society. She feared about her future because of the mess she thought she was in. For the first few session a lot was under mystery but then she finally decided to talk about her concern.
Aradhna was 19 years old and was in a relationship for the past 4 and a half year. Things were going “good” for the first 2 years before she got to know that her boyfriend was cheating on her the whole time. There relationship went on and off for 3 and a half years but that was not her concern. Her concern was a big mystery. I had guessed it by then but I wanted her to say it and she eventually did. Aradhna had “crossed limits with him”. Once willingly and the rest n number of times without her consent. She was forced to get physical with him every time they met and now that she had realized that he is not the right guy and wanted to move out but was scared about how she would be accepted in the world and more so in our Indian society.
Through the session the only thing she held on to was what the society would say and this in turn gave her panic attacks. It was important to calm her down. Her partner was a dominant one both in bed and otherwise. To help her for a start we started with some assertiveness skills. It took her time but she eventually could stand up for herself and the day she did she could see a change in his behaviour. He now knew that he could no more control her life. This gave her a little strength. Meanwhile as the sessions progressed, we worked on her as a person. She was never guilty about what had happened and said the abusive relationship never bothered her but what really was hurting her was her self worth, her image in the society and its reaction.
I took long to work with her. We started working on her self worth. Went back to her hobbies that she had left years back, practiced relaxation, helped her make friends again, helps her socialize, made a survival plan for her and eventually had her break this news to her mother and close friends. All this to make her feel normal and okay about what had happened. Her family and friends supported her throughout which helped build her confidence back. She is a fighter. It took us almost 4 and a half months and number of session to get her out of this. She cried, blamed herself, doubted her family, doubted her potentials, went back in the relationship and what not but eventually was able to stand firm on her feet. Yes it was a disturbing journey. There were times when she thought of all this as rubbish but then there was light in the end.
Aradhna couldn’t clear that year for a lot had happened but that was not anywhere close to our concern. She was free now. Aradhna was a strong girl who knew what she wanted but didn’t know how to get there. The main cause of fear was her relationship with the abusive partner and once she was able to get out of it things became much clearer for her and also smooth in the end. She became more positive and what really made it special was the fact she thought it was counselling that saved her life. Partly yes but most importantly it was her determination and fighting spirit that changed her life.
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