It’s hard to survive without a family. Family is like a backbone and to not have a backbone means, not to have a support system. Such was a life that Tia was going through. She had everything except a loving family. Separated at a tender age of 2, Tia was living with her grandmother who eventually passed away leaving her behind. She had no one to lean on. After her grandmother’s death the young 5 year old was sent to a boarding school in India while her entire family was in Saudi Arabia. Tia’s family could not afford a child back then and hence sent her off to India.
Tia grew up with absolutely no care and support. Her mom did use to come down but that was hardly for a week and most of the time was busy fixing things for Tia. Her presence never really made a difference in Tia’s life.
It was after 14 years that Tia’s family finally shifted back to India. Tia was all excited to live with her mom and siblings. But, reality was not easy to cope with. Living independently for so many years made it hard for the teenager to live with the family and its rules. For every little thing Tia did, she was cursed and taunted. Soon her entire family turned against her and tagged her as bad luck. The little girl could not handle the pressure. Initially she rebelled, but later it all looked like a waste of energy, and all she could think of was, to commit SUICIDE.
When she came to me for therapy, she had already attempted to commit suicide twice and had no hopes of living. She didn’t really had to say about the suicidal tendencies, as they were quite evident from the deep cuts on her left wrist. As we started talking, Tia told me all about her childhood and her difficulties. It was not really her fault but her mom refused to understand and always saw her as a rebel. In due course I was able to understand that her behavior is to seek her mom’s attention and more than that, her love. She missed her mom and could give up her life to get her attention.
As a therapist I knew if I could help build a bond between the two, things would get much better. But this was not easy. Our journey started with small steps. It began with helping Tia gain self control on her outspoken aggressive behavior. It was hard, but with a lot of practice Tia was able to get some control on her aggression. As Tia was gaining control, her mom was moving away from her. None of her efforts were appreciated but were seen as a part of some big mischief.
As the situation got worse Tia started losing faith but somehow was ready to give a last try. With this hope of one last try she started doing small things for her mom. Starting from getting her a glass of water when she came from work, to serving dinner, just the way she likes and eventually she had her first normal conversation with her mom. It took a lot of effort for that ONE conversation to happen where she asked her mom about her day and told about her’s. It sounds to be such a pity thing but for Tia it was a beginning of a new journey. Slowly her mom started to call her for dinner and started dropping her to the school just how she did for Tia’s siblings.
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Things started getting better and Tia was happy with the little love that she got from her mother. Although we did get success as Tia was no longer suicidal but she had a long way to go and this time Tia didn’t need a counselor to tell her what to do. She knew exactly what needed to be done.