Respect plays a vital role in the happiness or unhappiness in a couple’s life.
In the years of my experience as a psychotherapist, I have dealt with roughly 600 couples. I found that the reasons for conflict in marriages may have been several, but it boiled down mainly to lack of self-esteem (respect) and/or, lack of respect of one’s spouse.
At a very generic level, I also experienced that there was a lack of respect for the very concept that we call ‘Marriage’. It was taken as an institution of just compromises, responsibilities and sacrifice of one’s own dreams.
Some of the complaints that couples normally brought into counseling were –
- My partner wants to govern what, how, who I should or should not talk to
- We have differences in how the upbringing of the children should be
- S/he wants to teach me how I should best spend my time, or how I waste my time
- Wanting to take all decisions on behalf of me, pointing how I do not have the maturity or the experience to take my own decisions.
- He/she wants to decide what I should wear, say; my habits, behaviors, language, tone; everything is a problem for them.
- We have constant arguments about money and always disagree on what’s the best way of spending money
- S/he judges me for the way I deal with issues, my ideologies, my weaknesses; insisting his/her way of doing and seeing things is the only correct way.
All the above examples show a tendency of people to look at the world from their own mindset. This one-sided view can come as disrespect for the other person’s outlook towards life. Many couples thrive and base their marriage only on the outward behavioral differences, overlooking the fact that a marriage is not a relationship of competition, but of co-operation. This sense of cooperation is possible when respect is one of the base pillars in a relationship.
To take a case of a couple in counseling as example –
Sulochana is a 29 year old, spontaneous, happy go lucky, impulsive kind of girl. Her husband Pratham is very analytical, futuristic, research-oriented person. They both found major difficulties in adjusting with each other’s lifestyles and expectations. When they came in therapy, they were at the verge of divorce; angry, hopeless and resentful about each other. During sessions, when we discussed the concept of marriage, it was identified and established that for a happy life; the abilities they both had individually, were equally essential even as a couple. They could see how each one’s individual strengths can be used for the best of both. For example, while planning for vacations, maintaining a social life and friendships, Sulochana’s way of being was more effective. On the other hand, while taking long term decisions, Pratham’s way was more effective. This made Sulochana stop calling Pratham materialistic, dry and boring. Pratham stopped seeing her as immature and childish. They had just discovered respect for the way the other person was, and the contribution each could make to make it a happy marriage.
With the example, we understand that to develop a respectful, responsible and progressive relationship, one requires introspection, communication, and faith in one’s self, as well as in the partner.
A few tips to develop a mutually respectable relationship –
- AGREE TO DISAGREE (Not as the final answer, but as a ground rule to fall back upon when the going gets very tough!)
- COMMUNICATE (Being two islands by agreeing to disagree is not the final aim, build a bridge!)
- LISTEN (The often missed, main element of communicating!)
- When talking and listening is both at war level, TAKE A BREAK! (Allow each other the respectful space to gather oneself).
- REALIGN (Come back and work out the differences, expectations, and mutual goals to want to be together).
- RESTART (At the first, in case of more conflict areas, or till you find a common ground!)
Just like the roots of a plant are its invisible strength, keeping it upright and alive, respect is such an invisible, internal attribute at the base of any relationship.
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피망 슬롯 머신
그 직후 Xiao Jing이 나와서 Liaodong에서 추모를 낭송하기 시작했습니다.
에그벳 스포츠
“유진?” 왕진은 “이 사람 누구야?”라며 깜짝 놀랐다.
프라그마틱 무료
Zhu Houzhao는 “아마도 내 사위 일 것입니다. “라고 떨며 말했습니다.
피망 슬롯
조수와 같은 경비병들이 순식간에 높은 단상으로 몰려들며 인적 장벽을 형성했다.
슬롯 머신 무료
“시양상업은행 주가 13배 올랐다…
오공 슬롯
나는 이 삶에서… 희망이 없다고 느끼지만, 지금 이 순간에… 내가 무슨 말을 더 할 수 있겠습니까.
문 프린세스
“오빠, 당신은 그것을 30 번 이상 말했습니다. “Zhang Yanling이 약하게 말했습니다.
레거시 오브 데드
Hongzhi 황제는 기념관을주의 깊게 읽은 후 오랫동안 생각했습니다.
슬롯 게임 추천
이때 Fang Jifan의 눈이 빛나고 갑자기 “콜! “이라고 외쳤습니다.
에그 카지노
다행스럽게도 Xishan은 농지가있는 곳이지만 아무도 감히 물을 구하지 않습니다!
골드 킹
곰곰이 생각해보니 홍지황제는 등이 식은땀으로 흠뻑 젖는 것을 느꼈다.
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유능하고… 그러면서도 너무 겸손해서 정말 도를 얻은 사람처럼 보인다.
럭키 네코
Xiao Xiangxiang은 서둘러 고개를 저었다. “아니요 … 아무것도 아니에요.”
블랙 맘바
무빈도 어안이 벙벙해 말문이 막혔다.
에그벳 계열
Hongzhi 황제를 보았을 때 Fang Jifan이 거기에 있다고 생각하지 않았습니다.
문 프린세스
그의 운은 의심할 수 있지만 그의 능력과 의도는 의심할 수 없습니다.
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초기 창립 영웅들과 비교할 때 이 신인 그룹은 그리 뒤지지 않습니다.
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그래서 석유 램프 아래에서 Zhou Tanzhi는 계속해서 글을 썼습니다.
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Zhu Xiurong은 화를 내며 말했습니다. “당신은 … 저리가!”
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Xu Jing은 서둘러 와서 절했습니다. “학생 … 스승님을 만났습니다.”
k8 スロット
この記事は本当に役に立ちます。大変感謝しています。
This is a brilliant piece of writing. You’ve nailed it perfectly!
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처음에 Fang Jifan과 Liu Wenshan의 악을 어떻게 믿었습니까?
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여기에 손님이 있다는 소식을 듣고 Xiao Jing을 보았을 때 그는 약간 당황하지 않을 수 없었습니다.
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“젠트리의 말을 듣고 겸허해집니다. 오늘날 폐하 주변에는 반역자들이 있습니다…”
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이것은 성전에 있는 방백들에게도 해당되며 그의 지역 부모에게도 해당됩니다.
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Wang Shixun과 다른 사람들은 자존심이 모욕당했다고 느꼈습니다.
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Shen Wen에게 보상을 한 후 그의 마음에는 또 다른 일이 있는 것 같았습니다.
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Zhou Yi는 잠시 침묵했고 서둘러 돌아 왔다고 말할 수 없어서 고개를 끄덕였습니다.
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그는 숟가락을 가져갔습니다. “시도해 볼게요. 소금이 너무 적은지 확인하세요.”
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“그럼 무시해, 흥!” Hongzhi 황제가 똑 바른 얼굴로 말했다.
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この記事を読んで、本当に感動しました。感謝します。
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모든 제자와 손자들이 스승을 하나씩 바라보았고 그들의 눈은 약간 빨개졌습니다.
k8 ギャンブル
非常にインスピレーションを受ける内容でした。ありがとうございます。
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귀빈 여러분의 환영을 표현하기 위해 검사팀장은 Zhu Houzhao입니다.
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Liu Jian과 Li Dongyang은 여전히 상황을 인식하지 못하고 신중하게 둘러 보았습니다.
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素晴らしい情報を共有してくれて、本当にありがとうございます。
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Hongzhi 황제는 눈살을 찌푸리고 입술을 오므렸고 그의 눈에는 차가운 표정이 번쩍였습니다.
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Fang Jifan은 서둘러이 모든 계획을 수집 한 다음 곧바로 내각으로 달려갔습니다.
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Hongzhi 황제는 그의 행정에 부지런했지만 대부분 공무원의 영향을 받았습니다.
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実用性抜群の内容で、とても有益でした。ありがとうございます。
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인턴은 여전히 매우 유용하고 저렴하며 유능합니다.
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素敵な記事をありがとうございます。心から感謝しています。
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