We all want our kids to do exceedingly well in life and exams and be a great human being. Most parents, however, tend to follow the age-old parenting style which they have learned from their parents, many of which may not be applicable in this day and age. And it’s not just us who say this, science, too, proves it. Bestselling authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their book ‘Nutureshock: New thinking about children’ have compiled some interesting and quite counter-intuitive parenting tips which I am sure is just as new to you as it was to me when I first read it.
Here are some of the interesting tips they give:
- Praise your children for their efforts, not their innate talents: Children must be praised for what is in their control. So it is more appropriate praising them for their hard work rather than their intelligence. However, there is a thing called too much praise.
It has been found that kids who work only in response to praise, do not respond quite as well to any other forms of appreciation. The key is to be intermittent with your praise, save it for the times your kid has worked amazingly well.
- Fighting in front of your children is not that bad: However, there is a catch. If you fight in front of your children, you must also make up in front of your children. This teaches your children that differences arise, but they can be worked around maturely and sorted out.
They say, “In taking our marital arguments upstairs to avoid exposing the children to strife, we accidentally deprived them of chances to witness how two people who care about each other can work out their differences in a calm and reasoned way.”
- Teens who argue grow up to be reasonable adults: A severe and strict ‘no talking back’ policy ends up in children understanding that lying is the only way to get what you want.
Arguing with parents is how teens learn to negotiate for what they want, and they must be rewarded for being reasonable.
- Do not manipulate your way to make your children’s lives better: Your children must see you as someone who is genuine, on their side and trying his/her best to help them.
Dramatic statements and fear tactics and inconsistency do not help build your credibility as a parent.
- Sleep is more essential than you think: Research showed that losing one hour of sleep was equivalent to losing two years’ worth cognitive maturity! This means, your eighth standard child will have the smarts of a sixth standard child when given age appropriate tasks if he/she loses one hour of sleep.
In fact, even shifting sleep hours on weekends decreases your child’s IQ by 7 points. So the best way to do it is to stick to a sleep schedule throughout the week. Most teenage attitude and behavioral problems also arise because of lack of sleep. And a prolonged period of lack of sleep can cause serious issues.
- Kids require rules and discipline: It is a myth that the more accepting you are of unruly behavior, the less chances of your children going ‘wild’.
Parents who do not have a system of rules send out the message that they don’t really care about being parents, and there are more chances of their children growing up to be adults who ruin their lives. It best to provide them freedom but within a boundary.
- Parents can’t tell when their children are lying: Children may lie for a number of reasons. And wanting to please you as a parent is one of them.
Next time you get an opportunity, go ahead and let your children know that you appreciate them and that they do not need to lie. They need to begin to believe that the truth is more than what they think you want to hear.
And lastly, I would like to quote Sue Atkins, “There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So be a real one.”