Yes! I Am A Girl And I Proposed To Him

Welcome to the 21^st century – a century defined by growing technology, high rise buildings, a fast-paced lifestyle, booming market growth, expanding career options and last but not the least, strong-willed women who are, well, stronger than the Hulk.

As a woman belonging to this century, one might find it almost insulting to themselves if someone were to suggest that the only way to score a date or find a partner is if men make the first move. And before you get the wrong idea, this has nothing to do with feminism and sexism. This has everything to do with one discovering oneself and being an individual who can get what she wants to when she wants to.

When asked, most women today admit to having asked the man out first or having made the first move. At a popular hangout joint, one frequented by youngsters and adults alike, one can sit back and notice the patterns of social interaction amongst the various groups. A bunch of women out for ladies’ night, giggling while “not-so-subtly” eyeing men, the group of young adults daring each other to “get a number”, the solo single male, who is offering to buy a woman surrounded by her friends a drink, and the lioness of a woman who confidently walks up to the guy, leaving her friends behind and asking him if he would like to join her for a drink. While the occasional friend looks on with awe and shock at her friend’s bold move, the others laugh and pat her on the back.

Consider this another situation: 

A man and woman who have recently gotten acquainted with one another meet often and hang out as friends do and discover that there is an unspoken level of attraction between them. What is the assumption most people would make?

The popular opinion will state that the man might make the first move to express his interest in his female companion and then move ahead. But then, the woman thinks to herself, “What if I make the first move?” and then goes on to reach out to him in a chain of events that may or may not result in a relationship.

In Indian society, one that is by a majority a patriarchal society, a marriage proposal, arranged or love, is one that is initiated either by the man or the man’s family. Either the man goes down on his knees or his parents carry forward the proposal to the woman and her family.

But what if the modern woman prefers to go down on one knee and wishes to go see the man and his family with her family in tow?

Because tides are changing and more women are stepping up to the plate to ask the man they love to marry them. And it isn’t weird at all.

But what about the singular alpha male? How does he perceive this turn of events? Is his masculinity threatened? Does it become an ego issue? While most men stand divided on the issue, there is a large percentage that likes a woman who takes charge and makes the first move. The reasons they state for this is that they are more attracted to women who are strong-willed, courageous and assertive because they like a woman who goes after what she wants regardless of what society thinks and does. Some men seem to prefer to be the one to court the woman and pursue her, which is fine as well because, for every woman who wishes to take charge, there is another woman who prefers to be pursued.

So then, why does it become important to discuss if men should always make the first move?

This is because in a seemingly patriarchal society, a woman making a move that is traditionally made by men, be it in terms of choosing a tow typically chosen by a boy, choosing to pursue higher education, choosing her own partner or perhaps not choosing a partner at all, choosing to be the breadwinner of the family etc., is a challenging notion.

But when there is no opposition from either side, why is the society so taken aback by a woman’s inclination to make such a bold move and a man’s lack thereof? Because change is scary. A tidal wave of change threatens people and makes them wonder if they too will be coerced into accepting this change and utilizing it.   

The fact is – You are you. You are unique. You are free to commandeer your own will. No one should have to follow the herd. And that is how it is when it comes to women making the first move. There are just some who prefer to break the traditional mold and do as they please, even if it means going down on one knee. So men and women, don’t be afraid to make that first move. No one cares who wears the pants at the end of the day. Because hey! No matter who makes it, it’s beneficial to both, isn’t it?

Do you have relationship issues? Are you finding it difficult to deal with it yourself? Are you confused whom to talk to about it? Don’t worry we are here. Talk to our experts at YourDOST and seek guidance for your queries and issues.