My Tryst With Depression

“I don’t mean to imply otherwise, but you should go and see a professional. The symptoms are clear. You need help”, this is what a friend of mine said to me while subtly putting across her message.

Talking about mental illness is no less than a taboo in our society and to coax someone to seek help can be even trickier ‒ you never know how people would take it.

I am the rebellious kind, who doesn’t bother much before speaking up on topics which are considered a stigma in our society. But it was a bit different when it came to my own life. Things were not going well in my life and to a large extent, I have attributed them to stress and my own inability to manage it well.

And that’s what others would tell you too. You cannot think about mental illness in our society. I, too, brushed those thoughts away while constantly telling myself that I am stronger than my problem, although hours of research tried to warn me about a grave danger just lurking around. But the feeling of emptiness and worthlessness lingered on. There was a constant chaos in my head and soon suicidal thoughts started creeping in my head. I finally decided to take my friend’s advice and consult a psychiatrist.

The doctor told which I had dreaded the most. “You are going through depression, and you also know why!” said she, after listening to my case. After walking out of the hospital I had answers to my questions that had been disturbing me, but a bigger challenge was lying ahead me know — how do I face the world now that I am a patient of depression?

This is going to be difficult. Understanding and accepting that you are going through depression is tough, but dealing with it is even more challenging.  

People have their own episodes of depression when they feel extreme sadness, worthlessness, guilt, anger and even emptiness. One may even get this feeling of harming themselves or ending their own life as there seems to be no end to the dark, bottomless pit one seems to be succumbing into.

My parents found it very hard to accept that I was suffering from depression. To them I had everything, a nice and fulfilling life and a great job. But what most people fail to understand that there is more to a person than his/her personal and professional success.

Soon I was floored with questions and comments of people, many of whom accused me of being a coward who was just putting a tag of depression to cover her inability to handle her meager problems. I couldn’t answer everyone, but I did manage to talk to my parents, and a few friends and gather support from them. What I wasn’t sure of was how long will they stick around for me.

What really helped me were the talk and the following counselling session with my psychiatrist. It does take the burden of you when you can share your deepest worries & troubles with someone, who can listen to you, understand you and help you get through it.

It’s also important to understand that anything can trigger depression. It can be a rejection, an ailment, or anything. For me it began when I was first molested as a teenager – it filled me with sorrow and anger. And then there were financial & academic issues, a failed relationship, and a forced sexual assault. All these things took a toll on me until I was broke emotionally.

But do remember – you are not alone in this. You have the strength to fight it.

When you start hating the things you love, you don’t find an interest in anything, when you feel a volcano is erupting in you, it may be a sign of something severe as depression. Do not write it off thinking it to be an everyday stress or anxiety. And do seek help as needed. It’s not going to be easy, in fact, it does most likely be a long and tiring journey, but it will only make you feel better. You may have people who will oppose you and a few who will support you, but ultimately it’s your battle to win so hang in there.

And remember, you are not alone! Chat with our counsellors online to get experts guidance and support for your emotional problems.

_{Originally published on The Better India}