I Am Sexually Intimate With My Boyfriend But I Don’t Love Him

Question

I am a 25-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with one of my classmates for five years now. I am not certain if I have ever loved him or not, as from the very beginning I wanted to break up. And we actually had many break ups in this time span, but somehow we got back together every time.

Though we never had sex, but we have been physically intimate. Plus, I always had a desire to be with the man who has ever touched me. And now, I feel weird that this was the reason I committed to this relationship.

I don’t feel attracted to him physically, and he lacks basic manners and cleanliness. He has forced me into phone sex and masturbation in the past. In fact, this guy also forced me to watch porn, but I didn’t agree.

I’ve constantly supported him through his tough times as he has been sincere towards me. His love is the only thing that has held me but our past haunts me! I hate to think about our love story. What should I do? Should I respect his love and adjust or should I break up and look for true love? – By Anonymous

Response by Athullya Nair

Any relationship is like a puzzle. If the pieces fail to match, the puzzle will never get over. It seems like the mismatch in your case began from the very first stage. And for any relationship to sustain a long term, the base has to be strong.

Well, if you are staying only because there has been physical intimacy, it’s high time for you to re-evaluate things. Physical intimacy is just another facet of a relationship. It shouldn’t be looked as a separate entity, nor with so much repulsion. However, take a break and try to figure out what are the qualities you want in your partner. Listing them down will give you an answer with much better clarity. Always remember, if you aren’t considering yourself first and acknowledging your requirements, you will never be able to do that for the other person who is sharing his life with you.