YD Case File : Should I Tell My Fiancé About My Past?

Note : YD Case Files are real-life cases that our experts have been consulted for and may still be in progress. To protect the client’s identity and privacy, names and certain small details have been changed.

Characters : Girl, Parents, Fiancé, and Ex-Boyfriends

Voice/Narrator: Girl speaks. She sought help from our counselor, Gayathri

Backdrop: The girl was in her early 20’s. Her parents were searching for a suitable match for her. They narrowed down to one guy, and their marriage was on the cards.

SCENE 1

She belonged to a conservative family.  Owing to this, she wasn’t able to be completely honest with her parents about her past. She had had a relationship with two other guys but unfortunately they didn’t last.

SCENE 2

She got into her first relationship when she was in Class 10. She was head over heels in love with the guy. They used to spend a lot of time together after school and soon he was the centre of her universe. One day she found out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her for the past 2 months. She was heartbroken and she ended the 2 year relationship with him. After that, she was all alone and almost took a year to get over him.

SCENE 3 

Later, she got admission into her dream college. Once there, she tried her best to stay single but destiny had other plans for her. She began dating one of her batchmates from college. She felt that he was the one for her and imagined herself living a happily married life with him. Even he loved her a lot and took good care of her.

Excerpt:

We were the cutest couple in college. Everyone including a few of the college faculty members knew about us. We would spend most of our time outside college though. We would skip classes and go for long rides and movie dates. They were the best 3 years of my life.

SCENE 4

Unfortunately, things took a sudden turn when the guys parents got to know about their relationship from a third person. The girl and the guy belonged to different family backgrounds and their parents were completely against their relationship. They cautioned us to break all contact and immediately after our graduation, his parents sent him abroad for his postgraduate studies and I was forced to part ways with him.

SCENE 5

It was an intimate relationship and she had given him her all. They had lied to their parents and had gone for several trips outside the city. They stayed in hotels and traveled together and it was a beautiful time that they had spent. But unfortunately, she had to leave all those memories behind and move on.

Excerpt:

It was really tough, but somehow I managed to get over him. It’s almost been a year. But now, my parents are getting me married and I am really confused. I don’t know whether I should tell my fiancé about my past or not

What our Expert, Gayathri, had to say:

She is confused about whether she should be completely honest about her past or hide all the intimate details of her relationships. She is afraid that ff she does share her past, her parents and fiancé might judge her and that the wedding might get called off, and if she doesn’t share, she would feel guilty for not being honest with her partner. She also fears the consequences that may follow if her past comes to light in the future.

We definitely emphasize on being honest in every relationship but we also make them analyse the pros and cons of it. What to share, when to share and how much to share is still at the client’s discretion.

But, we made her think of the immediate and future consequences of being honest and sharing every detail of her past. We prepared her for the scenarios that may occur for each course of action that she opts for. We also touched upon a few sensitive topics such as why she wasn’t able to share her past experiences with her parents. We helped her approach her parents and guided her through the process. After that, her bond with her parents grew stronger and they shared a better understanding of each other. This ensures that she already has an existing support system in case things don’t go as planned.

In all, counseling improved her relationship with her parents and made her mindful of the pros and cons of sharing the details of her past. After careful analysis of the situation with the expert, she is now in a state where she can make decisions and handle the situation on her own.

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