“The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect.”
Childhood trauma can chip away a child’s stability and sense of self, undermining self-worth. It often stays with the child till adulthood. As per research, a person can experience feelings of guilt into adulthood, feeling disconnected, and have trouble controlling emotions.
Annirudh Mukherjee, a 20-year-old law student from National Law University, Odisha has been through something similar. As per him, his trauma roots from the time he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy (a group of disorders that affect a person’s ability to move and maintain balance and posture).
“My parents were never around to take care of me. So I could never get a lot of their attention. This pushed me into feeling detached from people around me.”
Due to the lack of parental attention in Annirudh’s life, he was always seeking attention. This became a challenge in Anirudh’s life because he was unable to maintain stable relationships with his friends and felt insecure and alone.
As Annirudh grew up, he never had a chance to address any of these issues that he was facing. Once he got into his college, the new environment brought out a lot of his childhood traumas, and it was affecting him very deeply.
“I started hallucinating these horrific moments from my childhood which led to sleepless nights and insomnia. I was trying to cope with it all but it was affecting me very deeply and I felt helpless. After the lockdown, I went home and the hallucinations only got worse.”
Annirudh was going through this all by himself assuming that it was him trying to adjust but it got worse after he went home. Along with this, the uncertainty of the pandemic, postponement of his exams which he prepared for made him feel anxious and angry.
Homelife was not kind to him either. Annirudh felt trapped at home and his traumas resurfaced making him resent his parents. He was constantly angry and fighting with them, and did not feel like himself.
“At home, I was finding it hard to forgive my parents for all the pain they caused me but I knew that they were doing everything for my good, but I would be angry and fight with them, I even got into a fight with my best friend because of lack of attention.”
When his childhood traumas started haunting him, Annirudh realized that he was becoming a different person and this made him feel scared and helpless. He knew it was time for him to face them in order to lead a better life.
Annirudh’s friend came forward and suggested that he seek professional help to figure out what was wrong with him. He signed up to YourDOST to seek emotional support.
“I was at a point where my traumas were driving me. I had to move on to live a healthy life but I was unable to. I was fighting with everybody in my life, pushing them away and it was not right. But I decided to seek proper help to understand myself.”
Annirudh reached out to YourDOST and after certain sessions, he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. He was recommended to reach out to a Psychiatrist and started taking medication to manage his symptoms. Alongside, he continued seeking psychological support through YourDOST.
“YourDOST was an amazing experience. My expert motivated me into looking forward and practicing self-kindness. I was on the brink of suicide, because of the pain I was in but therapy really helped me talk about my feelings.”
This gave Annirudh the courage to fight the pain and become a better version of himself. Today, he’s on the path of recovery and every day is progress. Dealing with his trauma head-on and facing a battle with his mind every day, he is indeed a mental health warrior.
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.
Annirudh’s Warrior Tips:
1. You need support to get back on track.
2. Do not shy away from seeking professional help.
3. You matter to yourself and the people around you.
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.
