TW: Suicidal Thoughts
“Your grief path is yours alone, and no one else can walk it, and no one else can understand it.” – Terri Irwin.
Working as a Software Engineer at Flipkart, 26-years-old Mahesh is as lively as he is serious. Born and brought up in Andhra Pradesh, Mahesh is currently working from home. Mahesh enjoys travelling wherever he gets time. Apart from that, Mahesh also is enthusiastic about playing and binging on moves.
His personality also reflects how much of a people’s person he is as he thoroughly loves spending time with his friends. But as a person who loves chit-chatting with his friends, Mahesh had to cross a huge trough on his way.
“During the pandemic, I was shaken by the demise of my closest friend. By the end, all I was left with is grief and a survivor’s guilt.”
Mahesh was very close to the person who left everyone behind. Since childhood, Mahesh had grown up with him. Together, they had spent the best and worst times together. Even if they stayed in different cities, Mahesh and he used to meet often.
Being so close to a person and suddenly having to lose them forever isn’t a very smooth event to cope with. Hence, there he was, broken with grief.
“He was more than a family member to me. We were three of us like the 3 idiots, and after our friend left us, the other friend went into therapy.”
While his friend went into therapy, Mahesh was struggling with a whole bunch of issues. Losing his concentration was one of them. But despite the things he was going through, Mahesh had to keep himself focussed on his work which became next to impossible.
Mahesh remembers how he would zone out to his grief in the middle of conversations and start weeping. Soon, his nights turned sleepless and the memories started haunting him. As his grief took over him, Mahesh started noticing changes in his physical health too. Once he was overthrown by fever and immediately realised that he needed to pay attention to it.
“I didn’t know what to do about my situation. Neither I could be in the present nor get over my past. I was stuck in a frozen present and sometimes, I was stricken with suicidal thoughts.”
Meanwhile, Mahesh’s company was associated with YourDOST. As his other friend was already going through therapy, Mahesh decided to try that path as well. In the beginning, Mahesh felt a bit nervous as he was already not sharing his issues with anyone for a long time now, but the counselor showed him care and so Mahesh’s journey towards self-development began.
Nonetheless, Mahesh connected with Sharmila Ghosh, his counselor through video calls. Mahesh was suggested to spend some time alone. He was also advised to jot down his thoughts and feelings at night so that it gives him a clearer picture of his current scenario. Gradually, Mahesh got clarity on what he was looking for.
“Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I was advised to imagine a big balloon in my tummy. I was supposed to imagine it was inflating and deflating as I focussed on my breathing.”
Mahesh currently lives a balanced life. It wasn’t easy for him to get past the grief that was marked by the loss of his closest friend, but at one point, it’s always better to get hold of one’s future. So, Mahesh took the right decision as losing a close one was inevitable. Mahesh is able to interact with people better now. As Mahesh describes his counseling journey as “great”, he also extends his gratitude to Sharmila for being there in a polite manner.
Mahesh rated his overall improvement through counseling with a solid 4 out of 5. We, at YourDOST, feel that he is indeed a very strong person and truly an inspiration to many out there.
Mahesh’s Warrior Tips:
1. Losing someone is inevitable. It will happen in everyone’s life sometime or the other. But we cannot live in that grief forever, so we have to move forward.
2. By sticking to the past, we might miss out on a lot of good times as well. We should not stick to the past.
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.