Is Seeking Help A Sign Of Weakness?

This is a true story of someone I know closely. Much younger to me, yet an extremely bright girl who was full of life. That was how we all knew Anuska, our neighbor’s daughter. A pampered girl. She was the apple of the eye of her father. He was a very powerful and influential man. We literally saw her growing infront of our eyes.  Her father would adore her and give in to all her demands, some which everyone fell were unjustified. She also had a brother who was ten years older to her, and he completely adored his little sister. Her father would call her a princess and infact treat her as one.

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But life as they say, has her own whims. One summer night we had the news that Anuska’s father had a massive heart attack, and alas he died before reaching the hospital. She was sixteen. From that day, we stopped seeing the chirpy girl. It was understood that she was mourning the loss of her father. But the troubles started brewing more, when we heard incessant fight between her mother and her brother, and one morning he left the house.
Anuska, never had a good relation with her mother, it was her father and brother whom she adored and even her parents were always in midst of quarrels. Things became worse when her mother remarried exactly a year later after the demise of her father. She deemed it as a betrayal on the part of her mother, as well as felt abandoned by two men she loved and trusted; her father and her brother. The distance between Anuska and her mother increased. The quarrels magnified.

As, the chaos continued at home, her grades started falling lower and lower at school. Her teachers complained of bad behavior and lower concentration in class. Frequent complaints were made to her mother, yet it could not change anything. More than her classes, she would be roaming around the corridors, talking with older boys and she was also found smoking in the washrooms. Things came to a point where she was caught in frequent reckless behavior, use of alcohol and shoplifting. Finally she was recommended to a counselor.

It took the counselor sometime to form a bond of trust with Anuska, because Anuska had a trust issue with anyone after her father and brother. However, after sometime when a mutual bond was created with the counselor, the core issues were identified. Anuska could not deal with the death of her father and the sudden leaving of her brother. Also with her father and brother, she could get away with anything which made her feel invincible. She was confused and hurt. She felt abandoned and felt that her mother betrayed her by re-marrying another man. This led to reckless behavior. She cut emotional ties with her mother and step-father. Also now, playing the Abandoning parent. She also became like her father generous and kind with lots of friends but keeping everyone at an arm’s distance, so not to get hurt. She also had two relationships with much older men, trying to fill the void left by her father.
Once the counselor formed a bond with Anuska, she was encouraged to trust people and make healthy decisions when it came to friendships. This helped her to open up about her feelings and interact more freely.

The next step was to deal with her feelings of anger and betrayal she felt for her mother. In one of session she was encouraged to vent her feelings against her mother and write a letter of all her feelings and fears. Anuska was given the choice to give the letter or not. However she decided to give her the letter three days after her therapies were over. Her mother was saddened and shocked that her daughter had so much against her, which was having such an inverse effect on Anuska. That night Anuska and her mother had a long conversation that lasted for hours. This conversation definitely helped Anuska and her mother revive their relationship.

The next step was to help Anuska deal with the death of her father. The counselor helped her to see things in new perspective.

Anuska had twelve sessions in all. She looked better. She herself said that she was not only feeling better, but had better relationships with her mother and two friends. She quit alcohol. And the most heartening part is that her teachers have reported back, that she is improving at school. 

As, I see Anuska each day going and coming from school, I see a brighter face. I understand that it will take its own time, but seeing her do better is encouraging. As, I end her story, I hope we can see the bright and bubbly Anuska we knew a year and half back.
Fingers crossed!