I Got Intimate With My Tailor and Now I Am Pregnant!

Question

I am a 38-year-old woman, married for 15 years and have a 12-year-old son. My husband stays abroad and visits us once in a couple of months. During this phase, I got intimate with a tailor and we got into a sexual relationship. I am now 5 months pregnant and I don’t want to get an abortion, as I feel it’s unfair. I have also informed my husband about my affair and the pregnancy through calls and texts. He has been positive about the same and is also ready to support me and my child. My husband understands my sexual affair and accepts that he has been away for the greed of money.

I like my sexual partner, this pregnancy and I’ve started disliking my husband. Now, I wish to stay with my partner, who is unmarried and is ready to marry me. My son likes him and is very close to him.

On the other hand, my husband refuses to come back to India and is not ready to take us there. My biggest question is how long do I stay alone? I feel like I need to move out, be happy with this man who has given me a child and immense satisfaction. What would be the consequences? I am still in a big dilemma. – By Anonymous

Answer by Bhagya Savyell

This is a huge predicament and I understand arriving at a decision must be harrowing for you. There is a lot to contemplate and that’s why you are worried about the consequences. This is a complex situation and there are various aspects you need to think about before you make a final decision.

* So when your husband says he is ready to support you but he won’t take you abroad does it mean his support is restricted to finances only? Does support also mean he will give his name to the child you are pregnant with?

* It is heartening to know that you find happiness in your partner and your son loves him too. How old is your partner? Is he ready to shoulder your responsibility? And is he ready for a commitment of this nature where you already have a son who will be a teenager soon?

* What’s your financial standing now and will getting married to your partner improve your financial status or bring it down? If it brings it down and you are used to a certain standard of living, are you willing to support your partner to aid the finances? And will you be prepared to do it even with a toddler to take care of?

* If you decide to marry your partner, do you have the support of his family? What about your family, will they accept it and be there for you?

* In the beginning, you say, your husband says he understands your sexual affair. Does your husband think it is a sexual affair or do you term it as a sexual affair? If you did, do you think a sexual affair can transcend into a long-term, fulfilling, and meaningful relationship?

* Please ask yourself these questions and based on the responses you get, you can arrive at a conclusion. I hope this helps you in making a decision that considers all the aspects and the well-being of everyone concerned.