The nationwide lockdown and the subsequent closing of institutes, has led to most students going home. Sure classes continue online. But combine that with the comforts of home, home-cooked food, spending time with your parents, etc, it’s not so bad a deal is it?
However, quite a few students have complained of difficulties in reconnecting with their parents. This has resulted in frequent arguments for many, followed by their parents quoting “Baghban”.
This is undesirable and unnecessarily takes up our mindspace doesn’t it? How then do we prevent it?
Research shows that there are 4 tips you can follow to manage this situation:
1. Communicate your needs
We all have our needs, which don’t necessarily involve our parents. Online classes, exam prep, catching up with friends over video chat, etc. Do you feel some irritation bubbling when your mom or dad interrupt you in the middle of these? Are they aware of your expectations?
Sit your parents down, and communicate to them politely but firmly your study schedule, your catch-up times etc. when you do not want to be interrupted. You will find them to be more than understanding and willing to accommodate you.
2. Be mindful of your tone & body language
Have you heard of the 7-38-55 rule of communication? 55% of our total communication is by body language, 38% by vocal signals and 7% by words. We might be so used to interacting more with peers of the same age, that we unknowingly communicate non-verbally with our parents in a similar manner. This counts for 93% of your communication and can be misjudged as lack of respect or rudeness.
So be mindful of your tone and body language when speaking with your parents. You’ll notice your relationship with them will only grow stronger this way.
3. Use “I” statements when complaining
Do your arguments often turn into blame games like – “You don’t understand…”, “You’re bothering me…”, etc. The problem here is probably the “You” which puts responsibility for the conflict and the resulting emotions on the other person.
Use “I” statements. Eg.
You don’t care about my exams at all. That’s why you keep interrupting me
is better put as
I feel very upset when you interrupt me while I’m studying for my exams.
This way you’ll be taking responsibility for your own emotions, rather then ‘blame’ them on someone else.
In short, ‘I’ = constructive conversation; ‘You’ = huge argument
4. Give Them Your Time
Do your parents often complain that you’re not spending enough time with them. If you’re always shut in your room, they’re going to feel shut out of your life as well.
Set a daily time slot to just chat with them. It could be over evening tea maybe, or post dinner, whatever works for all of you. Communicate this time to mom-dad. Talk about everyday stuff. Anything trivial. What your professor said today in class, what your friends are doing to occult themselves, something interesting you read about, etc. This will make your parents feel more connected to you.
The lockdown is an opportunity to strengthen your bond with your parents. You may never get this kind of opportunity ever again in your life. Make the most of it. If there are any other issues you’re facing while interacting with your parents, this is an excellent time to work on them. YourDOST Experts are here to guide you. Connect with them today.