Marriage is a new phase of one’s life. Marital bliss is real and wonderful. But It comes with its own set of challenges too. Both individuals need to adjust to their respective partner’s needs, interests. They have to learn how to compromise and reach a middle ground. For some, this adjustment is difficult and leads to angry outbursts and strain their marriage. 32-year-old Anuj Kumar was determined to work through his issues with his wife and improve the quality of their relationship.
The reason I decided to sign up for therapy was to manage my anger issues and my relationship issues. While I went to two counselors to deal with them separately, I realised that my problems were interconnected.
Anuj’s anger management issues were causing him to have outbursts of anger with his wife. The lack of communication between the two was hindering their relationship and he felt like this was affecting his professional life as well. He felt quite tired, and the anger kept accumulating which made the situation worse. One particular incident made Anuj realise that things needed to change.
“I remember having an outburst in front of my 5-year-old son, which was when I self-analysed the situation and decided to seek help.”
“My therapist wanted me to include my wife in the sessions as well but she was wary of joining me. But I decided that I had to seek help either way. After a few sessions, she began taking personal therapy herself and we started working on our issues separately.”
Through his sessions, Anuj analysed his outbursts, spoke about his triggers and how he could work through them. Anuj learnt to sit through his feelings instead of bursting into anger and started having open conversations with his wife to work through their problems.
The biggest learning I had during therapy was that it was okay to be angry and I had to learn how to stop over-analysing every aspect of my life. The key to a successful relationship is patience and taking the time to listen to your partner.
After therapy, Anuj started living in the present and stopped taking everything to heart. This helped him calm down, take his time to compose his thoughts and feelings during an argument. Therapy also helped Anuj remove the misconception from his mind that marriage was supposed to be perfect and happy all the time. He understood that it’s okay to have bad days and conflict with one’s partner. The main goal in a marriage is to be there for each other and understand each other’s flaws.
“There has been a drastic change in the quality of my marriage. We are headed in a positive direction, we have worked through our issues and are more empathetic towards each other. I am more composed during the time of conflict and try to understand her point of view as well and we try to find a middle ground during our fights.”
Anuj is thankful to his therapist for helping him through his problems and providing a different perspective on his issues. Therapy has driven him to feel less angry and negative judgement of conflict.
“More people should seek therapy and couples should seek couple’s counselling once in six months. We all need someone to talk to, who can understand our problems and counsellors are trained to help us through our problems.”
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Anuj’s Warrior Tips:
1. Do not fear judgement from your therapist. They are here to help you through your problems.
2. Talk to your partner and have open communication with them.