From Taking Care of Others to Prioritising Himself : Varun Sai’s Journey

TW: Mention of Suicide

“I could have done more damage to him, just that I didn’t want to.”

This is what thirteen year old Varun’s mind echoed with, as he controlled himself to not indulge more into the ongoing fight with his best friend. Varun Sai, fondly known as Varun, has been dealing with many issues since a young age. Growing up in a joint family, Varun had been travelling until his family settled down at Hyderabad.

Always calm and friendly, Varun never encountered any quarrels or fights with family members or classmates. Instead, he distanced himself from any thing which could hamper his happy state of mind, until one day at school when he was thirteen years old.

“I yelled at and hit my best friend, with whom I had no problem whatsoever. I guess my family issues were triggering me.”

Clueless with what was happening to him, Varun felt trapped in these alien emotions. He never complained about any issues with his family but suddenly one day, everything changed. Varun’s grandparents gave him a  surprise visit, which was not well received by him.

Varun has been a consistently good student, but due to sudden changes in his ecosystem and behaviour, it was getting hard for him to cope up. Things took a toll on him when he was in 8th standard and lashed out at his best friend without any reason. After the incident, Varun started isolating himself and did not talk to many of his old friends.

“I didn’t want to fall down.”

Varun was feeling suffocated. He did not like having his grandparents around him and as years passed, his situation got worse to the point where he started developing severe anxiety and even complained about having hallucinations. Sadly, he did not open up to his parents or other friends at the moment.

On one gloomy evening, while taking a stroll on his terrace, Varun got restless. Unable to control the anger and frustration, feeling trapped in the company of his grandparents, and feeling negative in general, he decided to end his life.

“I put my phone on the railing and decided to jump off the building. ”

Varun was scared, and not in control of his emotions. But a little voice at the back of his mind stopped him from taking such a step. He immediately snapped out of the moment and thought to himself, “What was I just going to do? Am I out of my mind”

For this seventeen year old, the last free years haven’t been easy, and it was getting visible in his behaviour. One of his closest friends noticed this, and urged him to visit a counselor or a psychiatrist. Like most of us, Varun was also very skeptical about seeking therapy, but it was high time now to get out of the claws of negativity, and so he decided to proactively look for a counselor. 

“I was closing off to all the people near me and that not only made my mental state terrible, but also the physical state. Luckily, one day a mail from YourDOST popped up in my inbox and I thought this is it! I must go for it.”

Battling the stigmas around mental health, Varun was determined to prioritise himself and untangle his yarn of issues. He got connected with YourDOST expert, Divya. With her support, Varun started opening up slowly.

As the sessions went on, Varun realised the ample amout of emotions he had trapped inside of him. The reason he felt suffocated around people was nothing but him prioritising others over himself. Divya made him understood how crucial it is to open up and communicate one’s feelings. 

“Sessions with Divya were very pleasant, she was very understanding and calm. I even made amends with an old friend of mine with whom I had fought in school. It felt good to be able to re-discover this side of mine.”

To not get overwhelmed with anxiety, Divya suggested to Varun to put a recurring alarm in his phone and whenever it rings, he was advised to take 5 minutes off from whatever that he’s been doing, and reflect on his actions and thoughts. In Varun’s words, “This made my life so easy. Instantly I can snap out of negative thoughts, if I have any and strictly move on to the next task.” Varun even started doing meditation, something which he did not like earlier! 

For Varun, Divya always remained straightforward and to the point with him, and not beating around the bush. This itself shows how Varun benefited from the therapy. He even stated that the anger issues have reduced and now, if any situation is hampering his mental state, he chooses to think it through, without taking any impulsive steps. 

With a fun rapid fire round with YourDOST, Varun described his therapy experience as awesome and that he is very focused and able to think clearly, unlike previously! He rated his journey of improvement as 3 stars out of 5! 

Varun might say he is still improving and there’s a lot to learn. But for all of us YourDOST, Varun is a young lad who chose himself over anyone else and shall continue to do so, to be the best version of himself! 

Varun’s Warrior Tips:
1. Reaching out is the best thing one can do when everything seems chaotic and fragile.
2. Mental health in India needs to be perceived differently and should be treated with care, just like any other physical health concern.

Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.