Ed Sheeran fan, likes drawing, listening to pop and soothing music and also into photography! This is what 28 year old Divyansh Sharma from Chandigarh, truly is as a person. A Deputy Manager by profession holding Bachelors in Computer Science and Masters in Analytics, Divyansh has 6 years of work experience.
But something where he didn’t carry a lot of experience and struggled with, are relationships.
“Initially I was struggling with my relationships a lot. Friendship, family, love. I was chasing after people who were emotionally unavailable.”
Divyansh had a dysfunctional childhood. Being a child of divorced parents, he never lived with them. So there’s a child in him who seeked attention and love. But when he’d receive the same, he’d begin to doubt that intention.
“I was seeking reasons to be upset. When people put in effort, I used to doubt why they are being nice to someone like me who doesn’t deserve it.”
People around Divyansh did love him which he couldn’t acknowledge due to his own doubts. There was a friend who was actually caring and interested in him. But alas, Divyansh’s first reaction was,
“Is something wrong with you? Why are you into someone like me who’s damaged?”
Because of self-criticism seeds sowed into Divyansh due to a lack of love, he told her he’s not someone she deserves. Initially, Divyansh tried to avoid this behavior but down the line, he realized it was toxic, chasing people who weren’t giving him attention and rather ignoring those who did.
While Divyansh tried being unemotional about it, deep down, it was affecting his self worth. He thought he’s not worth any love and care.
“I tried to learn why I’m behaving like this. I read self-help books and articles. Then I spoke to a friend who was seeking help from YourDOST and she suggested that I try the same.”
Divyansh’s friend has seen him feeling down a couple of times and had been through something similar. She suggested he seeked professional help.
This is when Divyansh connected with his counselor, Rineeta Banerjee. He told her what had happened and she explained why it’s happening and that they’d work on his growth journey together. Most sessions were about understanding his thought process and changing self-criticism thinking into rational thinking.
“I’ve a problem of overthinking and being anxious. So she suggested whenever my thoughts go in a negative direction, try a grounding technique of 5-4-3-2-1.”
5-4-3-2-1 is a grounding technique wherein one names 5 things that they can see, 4 things they can feel, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell and 1 thing they can taste.
The technique also reminds Divyansh of one time he had a bad panic attack which lasted for 1 and a half hours. It was miserable for him. The worst part was that he was at the office and fortunately a close friend of his at work could calm him down.
Now he’s aware of grounding and breathing exercises due to counseling and that has helped. Journaling, another exercise suggested by Rineeta, has helped him channel his thoughts.
“She also asked me to celebrate small victories such as thinking about people who care about me.”
Today, Divyansh is at a better place. All the problems he was facing with his self-worth are almost gone according to him. There are some issues remaining but he can counter them.
“I don’t question my self-worth anymore.”
Expressing his gratitude towards the entire counseling process, Divyansh says it was a game changer for him.
“My counselor is a teacher to me. She made our sessions easy. This helped me express myself better.”
Divyansh calls his overall improvement as exponential. The worst stigma he faced was feeling that he didn’t have any emotions and today he’s come a long way, breaking such a thought pattern about himself. He’s a solid 4 on 1 to 5 improvement scale.
This is what he suggests to anyone who could be facing issues to go for counseling without a second thought.
“People who care about you actually won’t judge and would appreciate that you’re working on your growth.”
Divyansh’s Warrior Tips:
1. The best part about therapy is that you’re not judged.
2. A counselor is like a teacher. Trust the process.