After a great evening with friends, Ravi and Karishma were pensive on the drive back home. Karishma yearned for intimacy; to her, it had been too long. Ravi’s company was raising funds for his startup, and this had been their first outing in months. Ravi’s hand was on the gear-stick of the car, and Karishma placed her hand on his. She tried intertwining her fingers between his, but Ravi absently put his hand back on the steering. Karishma closed her eyes and turned away.
This is the story of many relationships. The cliche that sex and intimacy takes a back seat after marriage isn’t entirely untrue. As couples spend more time with each other, the initial rush and yearning wears out, and it shows in their sex lives. Is there a standard for what sex should be like after marriage? What’s the right amount of sex a married couple should be having? These are questions on every couple’s mind.
Luckily, science and statistics come to our rescue here.
What do the stats say?
For most couples, sex is an important pillar of a relationship. Psychologist Dr. Ian Kerner says, “When couples stop having sex, their relationships becomes vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce.” So obviously, sex is important. But how much sex is considered normal?
There have been statistical studies to determine this. A study conducted by Dr Schnarch among 20,000 couples revealed that less than 26% were having sex at least once a week. The majority of the respondents had sex about once or twice a month. Another study by the university of Chicago among 16,000 respondents shared that the majority of couples had sex about 7 times a month, which is a little less than twice a week.
Hitting the right frequency
The frequency of sex in a married couple depends on a lot of things – natural libido, lifestyle, children, health etc. Most married couple say that they try and have sex at least once a week. However there are those who have tried to experiment with frequencies.
Take this for example –
There have been couples who have tried having sex every single day of the year – even during the woman’s period. Some couples reported that this practice got the couple closer together, made them less stressed in life and they experienced a general increase in their happiness level. Then there were some couples who actually started to despise the act after some time and in turn they became more irritable and started becoming a little distant too.
Almost every couple has complained of a drop in frequency of sex after childbirth. This is possibly because of the increase in responsibilities. This is even worse with working couples, as they have to share the responsibility of a baby, along with the pressures of work.
Is there one right frequency?
It’s widely agreed that any relationship with less than 10 times of having sex in a year is considered a sexless relationship. Above and beyond this, it’s completely upto the couple. Some may be more frequent than others, but as long as the couple is happy and experiences a high quality of physical and mental intimacy, most psychologists agree that it is normal.
Do you agree? Disagree? Let us know in the comments section.