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Falling In LOVE – Coincidence or Destiny?

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Having a crush and flirting a bit! We all have done it. Gazing at mirror to ensure we look the best and constantly fiddling with our locks to get the hairstyle right. Those rapid breathing and pounding heart beats when we sit beside our partner, a desire to just hold the arms or make a sensuous kiss has always been there. We see almost everyone ending up in a relationship and having our own shares of romantic relationship. This we call as “LOVE”.


Probably few unique things about us are:
1) Physiological need: Our physical body has different senses and drives. One prominent among them is the desire for physical intimacy and sexual relationship. The hormonal programming and release of endorphin itself is such that we develop a “liking” towards some over the other. The need for this physical drive can be at its peak especially from our adolescence, teenage and early adulthood.
2) Psychological needs: Several psychological theories like Maslow’s “Hierarchy of needs” and Erickson’s developmental theory all consider the need of receiving love and care as part of healthy development and progress in life.
3) Multiple Attractions: We do come across phases where many a times we tend to like more than one person at the same time. This may be genuine in itself though seen under scrutiny and termed as “flirt” etc. by others.

Source: weheartit.com
So how can we successfully grow and develop with “LOVE” as an integral part of our life:

  1. Define Yourself: Try to understand “who we are”, what are our ‘beliefs’ and ‘value system’ and “what do we stand for”. This can direct us knowingly or unknowingly to our “right person”. For instance, a person with clear value system like “I am deep rooted in my tradition”, is more likely to get into relationship with individual who could help them to foster their traditions.
  2. Consider various possibilities, “What If…?”: Ask yourselves the different possibilities throughout your relationship. E.g. “What if, my girlfriend doesn’t like me drinking…?” This will certainly open a new dimension to your relationship. You not only start to understand the other person but also can put in small efforts to nurture your relationship.
  3. Apply the reverse logic: It is always handy to consider the exception. “How my life would be different if I chose not to enter this relationship”. This will always help you to retain your identity in the relationship. In this way you will not only work towards your goal but will appreciate your partner in contributing to it.
  4. Do you enjoy your space/ freedom: Many a times we tend to become “blind in love”, rather than growing in it. The moment you think that your relationship is what is holding you back, then realize that it is not love. True growth is not “I love him/her that I can’t stay without talking to him/her every single day”. But “I love him/her that now I can wait for him/her and give them their space without being offended.
  5. Look at the bigger picture: Always try to reflect and understand what would be your thoughts about your current life few years down the line, what are the memories you would and wouldn’t want. This will help us to build up on our relationship slow and steady rather than being all demanding and possessive.
Finally if you say “one just falls into love without thinking much”, good news is that social scientist/psychologists believe that your attitudes could be changed. You just need to start saying it. It is like telling yourself “I am not a looser” after breaking up in a relationship. Over a period of time we believe this. Thus to progress even better in further relationships.




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About author
A. Sabu John is your special friend from YourDOST. He is currently pursuing his MPhil in Psychology from Christ University. With teaching and facilitation as his passion, he has experience working with different population as a psychotherapist and also facilitating modules on Sexuality and Addiction.
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