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I Took A Deep Breath And Let Him Go

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We fall in love by chance but we stay in love by choice. A choice that I had to make going against my parents. A choice that might take me away from them. Was that the correct step I took?
For almost  21 years of my life I had been this obedient daughter who had always heard her friends say, “Your parents are very lucky to have a daughter like you”. They would not stop praising me and I would flaunt myself for being the perfect daughter that I was. So proud! But like how ever parent has a different view about their children my parents also had one that was different from what my friends had to say. My parents never really appreciated the fact I was a perfect daughter, not because they disagreed with them or they didn’t love me enough but because they knew I had a lot more potential that I still need to discover.
All my life, I have pretended to be the goody-two-shoes girl and tried all my bit to maintain it. Yes, It did drain me a lot both physically as well as emotionally but that was my image now – well groomed, well behaved, soft spoken, helpful nature, no slag words, no bad habits, no late night, all this and more. I kept up with all of this not because I liked being this way but because it was a part of my personality now. But was this really me? Maybe! Maybe not. I still had to figure that out.
Amidst all this confusion was a dream, a dream to meet my prince charming one day. And since I was the “good girl” I was clear in my head that only my parents had the right to choice my Mr. Right. Moreover I knew I wasn’t the girl next door for any boy so that left me with no choice but to have my parents choose the one for me at the right time.

As I started living more independently, I happened to meet a boy. Like any bollywood hindi movie I didn’t like him at first. The mere reason of my dislike was his friend circle. So more than him I hated his friend circle which made me hate him as well. But as the days passed we became friend. We started meeting for regular “Sham ki chai” and eventually fell in love. But wait!! I was not suppose to fall in love. But was it really in my hands this time? It took me a long time to adjust to the fact that I was in a relationship and there he was patiently waiting for me.

Source: quotes2explore.com
I was lucky to have him in my life. He helped me come out of my shell, taught me how to fly with ready arms to catch me when I fell. He fought with me only to make me understand where I went wrong and how I could mend it. He changed me as a person and there was no need to pretend anymore. We were more like best friend. I was totally depended on him and would like to believe so was he to some extend. From the morning wake up calls to the last good night text we were together. Sometimes in person while the rest of the time though phone giving each other out latest updates. He was my guide, my philosopher, my friend and more so as I call him “my cry pillow in need”.
Two years of close knit relationship and everything was perfect but then things started going haywire, I never understood what it was. Maybe for there was a lot of pressure on him. He was going through a lot of stress and when it was time for me to understand him and be with him I didn’t. I think it was my fault and we started fighting. We knew what we were fighting for and we loved each other enough to forgive each time. I was sure that no fight was big enough to break us. But unfortunately we did.

 
He waited till my birthday to tell me for he didn’t want to spoil it. He made it a big and a happy day for me but that happiness didn’t last long. The day after my birthday, we broke up. We broke up not because of the constant fights, not because he didn’t love me, not even because we were different people but because that was the right thing to do. He couldn’t see our future together, which was true. He had a lot of family pressure as well as work pressure but what really mesmerized me was the fact that he never lied to me and even now he expressed his side and left the decision on me. I knew things were going bad and I knew this was coming my way but I never accepted it. He loves me a lot. so much so to let me go. We did break up that day and I blamed him a lot initially but I soon realized that I was not alone, he was going through the same pain.
Source: www.firstcovers.com
We decided to remain friend. I think I was selfish here for at least I got to speak to him. We start making boundaries and yes it was hard to be friend with the person you love. Letting go of the person who has touched your life in so many ways and somewhere changed you for good was very difficult. But then we had to do it. We knew our backgrounds were different so instead of putting our parent into so much drama, we choose to drift apart. I don’t know whether it was right or wrong but yes least I could do was to save him from the everyday fights and melodrama. It was terribly hard. Trust me! my pillow knows about it. But now I am comfortable with it. Satisfied? maybe not but yes I have realized that sometimes it is important to let go of people you love and feel the pain now to save yourself for the rest of the lives misery.
There are no more fights, no more drama, no more having to update each other on small things but we are still together – as friends. Our relationship status has changed from “committed”’ to “single yet complicated”. But we have left it to our destiny to decide. If it is meant to be we will meet and I hope we do for I love you and I know you love me too!

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About author
Swekriti Bhatnagar is your special friend from YourDOST team. She is a Masters in Counseling Psychology from Christ University. She is experienced in dealing with adolescent and relationship related issues. She believes in the power of communication and that everyone has the ability to change. Through YourDOST she wants to help people vent out their worries and wishes to make a difference in the lives of people
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