I was 2 years old when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I had to assume the role of a caregiver although I was still a young child. I had to accustom myself to all the challenges that came along with cancer – attending to midnight emergencies, the side effects of chemotherapy & radiation and the slow organ failure. All this while I was in school, college and when I entered my workplace.
I had my episodes of depression in the entire course but I distracted myself with studies and hobbies and went on with my life. I didn’t realize I was just bottling up my feelings. I would often tell myself that it was physical and mental fatigue and as such no big deal.
And then the unfortunate happened.
After battling cancer for 21 years my mother died a slow and painful death. In my heart, I knew that this is going to happen sooner or later and in my head, I had envisioned the same a thousand times. But when it eventually happened I was just shattered into million pieces.
In an instant, I lost all the purpose in life. I would sleep for 14/15 hours a day, and on waking up would just stare at the ceiling wondering why I should get out of the bed. My productivity shrunk. In the office, I would just stare at the computer screen for hours. Every once in a while, the thought would hit me that I would never be able to hear my mother’s voice or feel her touch again. And it was just crippling me more and more.
I was living alone during that time. I became all the more distant to my friends and colleagues. I would dismiss anyone who tried to come closer to me. And it wasn’t very long when I began to have audio/video hallucinations.
My own shadow would scare me. I would often play loud music to shun the voices playing in my head. It took me more than 6/8 months to feel safe in my own house.
This continued for a year and a half but my condition didn’t change much. It was mild in the beginning but gained momentum and soon I had started developing an urge to physically hurt myself to stop feeling anything.
One day at around 4 a.m. in the morning I found myself holding a kitchen knife ready to slit my wrist. When this happened I realized that I desperately needed help. Cutting myself off and cocooning my own self was not helping me. I was lost and had no clue where to head, who to ask help for, and who to talk to.
Most people had also stepped back since they wanted to give me my own space. One friend though who had experienced a similar trauma practically saved me. Her assuring talks helped me be back on track. I started opening up again and began enjoying meeting new people!
I still get those episodes of depression time and again but after a year I have finally found a purpose for myself out of the bed. There is a permanent vacuum created in my life which can never be filled but it doesn’t feel so heavy to pull me down.
If you are going through a difficult phase in life, you can talk to our experts online.
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캐시 슬롯
“방금 왕 선생이 갑자기 떠났는데, 이 일과 관련이 있습니까?” 누군가가 묻지 않을 수 없었다.
포춘 슬롯
Daming에 아무도 없다고 정말로 생각하십니까? 하급 관리 그룹을 관리로 의존하고 싶습니까?
슈퍼 벳 토토
전하, 얼굴 좀 보여주세요. 여기 오실 때 말씀하신 게 아닙니다.
해외 슬롯
Fang Jifan은 날아가는 공에 앉았고 Zhang Mao의 용기에 감탄했습니다.
머니 트레인2
그러나 그는 어안이 벙벙한 척만 할 뿐이었다. “폐하께서 구두 명령을 내리셨습니다.”
슬롯 머신 무료
이들은 수십만 명의 군인 가구와 수백만 명의 가족입니다.
꽁포 사이트
이른 아침부터… 그런 일방적인 학살은… 결코 멈추지 않았습니다.
포춘 슬롯
오늘은 황제의 손자 명절의 날이어야 하고, 홍지 황제는 오랫동안 그것을 고대해 왔습니다.
골드 킹
Liu Jian은 잠시 침묵했고 Hongzhi 황제의 기분을 이해할 수있었습니다.
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슬롯 머신 무료
틀림없이 Chen 가족 구성원은 겁에 질려 죽을 것이고 방법을 찾으려고 노력할 것입니다. 그들은 호의를 베풀기 위해 이곳에 와야 합니다.
슬롯 게임 사이트
Fang 가족은 Fang Xiaofan을 선택하기 위해 Meridian Gate로 전차를 보냈습니다.
더 도그 하우스 메가웨이즈
항상 화를 내지만 Fang Jifan은 항상 앞으로 나아가 몇 번 차고 싶어합니다.
맥심 슬롯
Zhang Yanling은 서둘러 형에게 계속 윙크했습니다.
777 슬롯
집에서 일을 정리한 후 그는 수도로 출발했습니다.
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“빨리, 물 가져와, 죽수 구할 방법 찾아봐.”
블랙 맘바
Xu Yu의 몸이 떨리고 그의 눈구멍은 이미 빨갛고 구슬 커튼처럼 그의 눈에서 눈물이 떨어졌습니다.
슬롯 모아 무료
Deng Jian은 신음하며 눈물을 흘리며 한탄했습니다. “그건…매우 정상입니다.”
프라그마틱 무료 슬롯
Fang Jifan은 자매들을 위해 공덕을 쌓을 수 있다는 말을 듣고 즉시 “순종”하며 피가 끓었습니다.
아시아 슬롯
왜냐하면… 상대방의 눈에는 분노가 아니라 실망이 있었기 때문입니다.
톰 오브 매드니스
모든 것은 Zhu Dashou의 의견에 명시된 바와 같습니다.모든 것이 스릴 있지만 단계적으로.
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말씀대로 오시면… 천자님이 너무 쉬우실텐데…
에그벳 계열
그는 상황이 이 지경에 이르렀을 것이라고는 예상하지 못했습니다. 무의식적으로 큰 소리로 외치고 싶었습니다.
트레져스 오브 아즈텍
도교인들은 모두 침묵했지만 아무도 감히 소리를 내지 못했다.
에그슬롯
갑자기 Fang Jifan이 허리를 세게 꼬집었습니다.
슈가 러쉬
파파파파, 타격은 극도로 무거웠고 Xiao Jing의 얼굴에는 밝은 빨간색 손바닥 지문이 몇 개있었습니다.
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잠시 후 언덕 같은 Hu Kaishan이 Xie Qian과 다른 사람들 앞에 왔습니다!
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いつも興味深いトピックを提供してくれて感謝しています。
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장가 형제의 미덕은 무엇입니까?그들은 단지 두 개의 쓸모없는 쓰레기입니다.
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Shigong은 Shigong입니다. 이 롤링 단어는 애정으로 가득 차 있습니다.
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Shen Wen은 Hanlin University의 학자이며 Fang Jifan이 이번 주 의식에 대해 이야기하는 것이 약간 재미 있다고 생각했습니다.
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素晴らしい読み物です。非常に感銘を受けました。
Reading The Writing is like finding an oasis in a desert of information. Refreshing and revitalizing.
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Hongzhi 황제는 약간 떨렸지만 그의 마음은 갑자기 부드러워졌습니다.
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この記事は本当に役に立ちました。素晴らしい仕事を続けてください。
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“En.” Hongzhi 황제는 “청 가족이 뭐라고 말했습니까? “라고 고개를 끄덕였습니다.
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그러자 Liu Jian의 행동은 놀랍습니다.
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このテーマについての深い洞察がとても気に入りました。良い仕事を続けてください。
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새로운 군대가 공격하자마자 모두가 반응했을 때는 분명히 너무 늦었습니다.
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이제 그는 Xinxue의 사상을 깊이 이해하고 민속에 깊이 들어가는 원칙에 정통합니다.
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このブログはいつも私に新しい視点を提供してくれます。
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Wang Shi는 여전히 약간 주저했고 Yang Zhongguan의 말이 합리적이라고 느꼈지만 …
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Hongzhi 황제는 “가정 부서에 머무르는 것이 무엇입니까? “라고 말했습니다.
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このブログはいつも私の期待を超えてくれます。素晴らしいです!
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Zhu Houzhao는 “아버지, 그냥 운이 좋은 것 같아요. “라고 편안하게 말했습니다.
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그러나 이때 외부 누군가가 말했다. “내각 학자 Liu Jian, Li Dongyang이 여기 있습니다.”
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단검이 갑자기 뽑히는 것을 보고 많은 사람들이 경악을 금치 못했다.
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この記事の実用性に感動しました。大変役立つ情報をありがとうございます。
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“무엇을 이해합니까?” Hongzhi 황제는 Fang Jifan을 바라 보았습니다.
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결국 세상을 돕기 위해 솥을 거는 것은 유교와 상당한 공통점이 있다.
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素晴らしい洞察力で、非常に教育的な内容でした。
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Qi Jingtong은 소식을 듣고 매우 흥분했습니다.
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このブログはいつも実用的で役立つ情報を提供してくれて、大変感謝しています。
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80점을 득점하는 것은 쉽지 않은 일이며, 매우 드물다고 할 수 있습니다.
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Fang Jifan은 평생 그를 몇 번 더 만나기를 바라며 안도의 한숨을 쉬었습니다.
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実用的な情報が豊富で、とても感謝しています。素晴らしい記事です。
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Fang Jifan은 Ouyang Zhi의 세 제자를 보면서 마음이 따뜻해졌습니다.
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옛 귀족들만이 독서에 열광할 뿐만 아니라 부유한 사람들도 독서를 시작하고 있습니다.
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実用性が高く、具体的な情報に満ちた素晴らしい内容でした。
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Hongzhi 황제의 눈에 그는 정말 먼지 투성이의 인물입니다.
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この記事はとても有益で、読むのが楽しみです。
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주변의 비극적인 상황을 바라보며 심장은 칼날이 휘는 것 같았고 온 몸이 무너질 지경이었다.
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궁전에 장조전이 한 명 있는 것은 사실이지만 아래에 장조전이 몇 명이나 있습니까?
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